Sink or Swim

Good lord. I have never come across this many brainless inventions in one site alone. But for the heck of it, why not feature some of them here?

The Ipod toilet paper dispenser. I seriously can’t thank the think tank for this marvelous invention. Sheer genius, guys. What do you think? It totally suggests that you listen to music while you take a dump. Well, I commend the inventors of this item. What troubles me is that its not really useless. In fact the dock works and the dispenser gives out toilet paper… but yeah, we are on the dumbest inventions, word per word.

Toothache candy. Actually I want to get this thing for my niece. Apparently you’d have to dip the tiny teeth into that red fluid that tastes like cherry or so the website where I found it said, and you’d have to use tweezers like a dentist. I think its strange. Not necessarily dumb. But I want people to know that there is such a thing hence it made part of the list.

Pet stairs. PET STAIRS?!? Who needs pet stairs?! Pets can  jump, they’re agile and they can actually reach places without having to use this invention. Why would anyone? WHY? Tell me why? I have a dog, and you know what, I’ve never had a problem with him going up the couch. Really.

So I’m at my friend’s house as we speak. I was visiting them before one of my buddies pick me up to go up north in his uncle’s cabin.

My friend Rob’s wife Marie, is a shake whore. She makes shakes for everyone. So normally when I’m around I’d just sit and get my serving. This evening, their help carried a tray and put two shakes on the tray and smiled at me. So I assumed it was mine.

I drank both.

Marie came out five minutes later looking for her shake, that of course… wasn’t there anymore.

If Rant were a place, I’d be there right now. I just can’t remember the last time I had been subjected to a situation where my privacy was absolutely breached. First of all, it shouldn’t matter who I’m with. If I’m walking OR talking to someone there and if that person has hang ups with someone else, then the both of them should fix it. I also hate the fact that some people can just exaggerate stories for their own benefit. They wanna get the story-teller of the year award?

So we all know that it’s the season again where all of us men gather in our homes to do something that completes our lives that apparently isn’t all about sex.

I don’t understand why some people see it THAT way because apparently my girlfriend thinks that’s all I ever think about. Of course not. Well, she’s right. Sometimes. So here’s my quick, one-page write-up on one of the most important things to me since sports…wait, this is sports.

So, Garnett was traded to Boston with Ray Allen this year which led them to the semi-finals. But I think KG deserves to win a ring this year. He’s been in the playoffs in the past decade and we all know why he should. The guy’s got leadership skills for chrissakes, he led Boston to the final four!

In the West, we got Kobe (Mister MVP (Yeah right (but really there will be no end to the parenthesis’ (point is I strongly disagree (in fact, I think Chris Paul should’ve won)))). Kobe and the Lakers that scored in the name of Luck in the form of a Pau Gasol. I don’t think the Lakers would’ve gotten this far just with Kobe alone.

Wouldn’t it be great if the finals teams for both the East and West would be the Lakers and Boston? People would kill to get front seats. Just like the 80’s except Magic Johnson and Larry Bird would potentially be sitting in only two places: the front row, or the front row.  
 
Tim Duncan and Tony parker definitely deserved to get another ring on their fingers. BUT!!! Who the hell wants to see that again, right? It got pretty boring last year when I found out that they were on the finals again. They have the best players on and off the bench and that is why they keep winning (hence the boredom).

Now, let’s not forget the Pistons, the Pistons have lost their bad boy image way back when  Rodman and Lambier left the team. Honestly I don’t want to talk about them that much cos they won enough rings, too. Minus points for Rodman because made horrible movies. He got it on with Madonna though, I mean she IS Hard Candy so okay, thumbs up for being an all around guy.

Now here’s my favorite part: If I were God and I could make things in the future happen, I would make the Lakers win over the San Antonio Spurs 4-3 and I would make Boston sweep Detroit 4-0. Then on the finals it would be the Lakers and Boston. Boston would make the Lakers win for the first three games then beat them on the next 4 with the following scores 114-115, 108-107 , 106-101 ,135-134 (double over time with a game winning shot by KG). I made it a tight game cos I think Kobe deserves to feel close to winning(but not actually winning) cos he did a pretty good job his season and because I am Mush, too.

Now that is how an ideal NBA season should end. Giving Boston back the championships and well deserved players their well-deserved rings. I think it would be fair if we forget about Tony Parker getting another ring cos he just got one from Eva Longoria last year. Damnit lets not talk about people who have too much luck. I want her. Now.

I lost my phone. I lost my phone. My phone that’s got a couple of hundred contacts. I dunno, I took the bus to work today and discovered that my phone had just disappeared from my pocket. I must’ve dropped it, but I just don’t remember having any opportunity to have that happen. So this pisses me off as we speak.

So I’m going to my friend’s cabin up north over the weekend. Whew. After a couple of month’s work since I was there last, I’m sure I’d have a great time over there. Now everything’s falling back to place. I just might bring Tori up with me there but it all depends on how things turn out for us. Not bad as of today…

I’m so drowned with work that sometimes, I am having a hard time sleeping already. I think of work every single moment. When I’m having my private time, when driving even when I am taking a bath! It is haunting me!

Whenever I find myself in these haunting situations, I keep on searching for motivational words to improve myself and, might just get lucky to forget about work even for a few minutes.

Earlier, as I was stormed with work again, I searched on the net for motivational words and I came up with some spoofed motivational humor. I usually find strength in the bible but since, I don’t have one with me, I did that. Don’t let curiosity kill the cat…or you. Check the site out. Hope it will remove your mind off the work for a few minutes.

You wined her, dined her, and had taken her to places she has never been.  But, hold on, it’s not a done deal,yet.  When you ger up in the morning after a great night, there are still a few yet winning moves that will make it a done deal.

1.  Don’t get up just yet.

Ok, so you have stuff to do, work to go to, and so does she.  And it doesn’t mean that you should put your clothes on the moment you see streaks of sunlight beyond the curtains.  A Gerogia sex therapist claims that,”if you’re quick enough to leave the next morning, a woman feels like you either regret what happened the night before or can’t wait to get away from her”.  This therapist said that the key is to spend even 5-10 minutes cuddling in bed with assurances that you care.

2.  Pull a move tha that will make her feel sexy but does not spell a quickie in the morning.

She isn’t always going to be up for more action during the morning.  The author of The Complete Idiot’s guide to Amazing Sex advised that taking a shower together is a discreet yet effective message that you want another round.  This has a two-way effect, she will feel that she has all your attention and that you love her minus the clothes.

3.  Seal your next date.

A woman still worries that once you’ve had the dessert, you won’t see her anymore.  Instead of giving the normal, “I’ll call you later”, set another date.  A woman feels more vulnerable after having sex and needs reassurance that she is not a fling so, make her feel that she’s not one.

If she is special to you, make her feel that she is. And even if she isn’t the one. Be a gentleman and treat her with respect.  It takes two to tango, and don’t make an ungraceful exit from the dance floor becausef she has two left feet.

I know it’s not heart’s day but, it’s almost June. The month of June is named after the Roman Goddess, Juno - guardian goddess of marriage life, the wife of Jupiter. There is this legend that when you get married in June, you will have a married life blessed with happiness, thus coining the term, “June bride.”

Legend or not, why not make relationships work, any month of the year? Here are some easy and doable tasks to make it work.

1. Create an everyday ritual – When my girlfriend and I just started out, we often see each other at lunch time only. This way, we really made each moment special and before we part ways, I give her a kiss. This has become an after lunch ritual to us. You can do this in the morning before going out, arriving home at night or maybe, just like the 3-o-clock prayer habit.

2. Male chivalry is not yet dead – We all know that there are only two reasons why guys open the cars door for their girls. One, the car is new. Two, the girl is new. If you haven’t been doing this, try it out! Open the door for her, pull her chair (but warn her, because this is not a prank!) and last but not the least, also consider her opinions. It is not good to only rely on yourself and reject your partner’s decisions.

3. Call your partner on their weird bull crap names! - There is just some clumsy stuff that happens accidentally. I remember my first time in my girlfriend’s house. I dropped the saucer on my drink and broke it. I guess they can compare me to Archie Andrews. If a similar thing happened, call your partner, “clumsy oaf” but do it in a nice way. That way, both of you will just laugh it off and prevent awkwardness.

4. Do not be your partners everything – Vice versa. This will suck out all the romance if you just concentrate on your relationship. Do things together but also, get a life. Watch the game with your buddies, go out fishing with your father in law, and worship together with the entire clan. These sort of small activities have a lasting effect and won’t make you both the center of each other’s world.

5. Surprise, surprise and more surprises! – This is actually a make-your-partner’s-day-task. Who doesn’t want surprises? Of course, I meant it in a good way. I didn’t mean that, you tell your wife after your wedding day that you have two son’s with different mothers! Surprise them on your anniversaries, birthdays, or any special occasions. Better, make your surprise a day before or after. This way, it would really be a surprise!

6. Learn to stand down – We are not in the army wherein there is no retreat. This is the major cause of marriage divorces. Both the husband and the wife want to win. Something like, “Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.” We know that guy’s egos’ are high. We must learn to swallow our pride. It will make your life so much better at the end.

7.Reminisce and recreate – Nothing beats recreating your firsts; the first date, first honeymoon, first kiss and all other firsts. This will make both of you remember the good memories you had and will inspire you to create more firsts in the coming times. First impressions do last and when recreated, the magic will be created if not like the first time, it might be better.

Whether you are going to be a June bride or a [Insert Month Here] bride, always remember to put God first in whatever you do. This is one sure-fire way to a healthy loving relationship.